Who would have guessed?
One month left until Shane was to be done with training. After nine months apart, I was supposed to be thrilled beyond belief! Instead I found myself down, stressed, and worried. I had become so familiar with the comforts home again that leaving my friends and family, everything I've known since second grade, was a depressing prospect. Leaving was much harder than I anticipated.
I found myself to be harsh to my husband and placing blame on him for taking me across the country. I knew my relationship with God was being tested and I was failing.
Finally, sunday came and we decided to try a church in the capitol. What was the message about, you may ask? None other than the fruits of the Holy Spirit; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5: 22-23). I realized at that moment that I had shown none of those since being in Washington. I had forgotten how to give my life fully to God and I had neglected my husband. All the while, when I deserved nothing but anger from Shane, he showed me a glimpse of Christ In how much grace and understanding he gave me. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am with a man who is so patient with me. He stands firm in his decision making and leads the family the way God intends him to, and he doesn't let me sway his decision. Yet he does this with a grace that baffles me.
So I finally realized that I'm doing this whole move thing wrong. Im sitting here trying to deal with all my emotions by myself, when I have a God who is asking me to give it to Him. You can imagine how my life turned around with this very simple realization. I knew that I wanted my life to bear the fruits of the Holy Spirit and I work daily to demonstrate these attributes. I apologized to Shane for being a bear of a wife and his beautiful respond was "thats ok, I'm just glad you're back". Again just baffling.
I am a woman who constantly makes mistakes and failures. Sometimes i realize i have strayed from the flock without even realizing how i got so far away. And I am so thankful that I have a God who says to me "thats ok, I'm just glad you're back".
Awestruck by His grace and love.
Rachel, Much love to you and Shane and prayers your way daily. Newly married life (which is really what you are finally experiencing) is a time full of new emotions and discoveries about yourself as an individual and the two of you as a couple. Some selfish part of you will die and be reborn as a new creature along the way. So glad you know where to turn your eyes. I used to drive down the road to McDowell, just fuming about one thing or another my new husband had done and then about 5 miles into the drive I would remember to pray and ask God for wisdom, peace and strength. God always answered and I was, for some reason, always re-surprised at God's grace for me his angry, unreasonable child. Love you.
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